


Inamorata

by lou2



Category: Bleach
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Earnest, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 10:33:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16195775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lou2/pseuds/lou2
Summary: -Yachiru needs some answers, and predictably askes Kenpachi.“Ken-chan? Who’s the fairest of them all?”-





	Inamorata

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to LJ November 2008
> 
> Originally written for Bleach contest with the prompt word - fairest
> 
> I have not read the last Bleach arc, so I'm sure this violates canon entirely, but it really was fun to write.
> 
> -

Bouncing into the office, pink hair flying, zanpakutō trailing behind on wheels and a fist full of candy in one hand, Yachiru announced her presence with the usual flair. “Ken-chan? Who’s the fairest of them all?”

“Yachiru, what the hell are you talking about?” Kenpachi barked his customary reply to Yachiru’s perpetual questions.

“The fairest of them all…. You know Ken-chan, the prettiest lady in all the land, like Snow White.” Yachiru’s continual bouncing was giving the already hung over Kenpachi a massive headache, but he brushed it off as he did with all annoyances when it came to Yachiru.

When it came to the questions of beauty, thought, Kenpachi always had the perfect answer. “The most beautiful girl in all the worlds is you Yachiru. No one is prettier.”

A rare solemnity graced Yachiru’s face as she said, “No, Ken-chan. I’m just a girl. The fairest of them all, is a woman you marry. Who will you marry Ken-chan? Who’s your Snow White?”

Confused because Yachiru always gladly accepted his compliments, Kenpachi asked, “Who’s this Snow White and why can’t you be the prettiest?”

Crawling into his lap, Yachiru proceeded to tell him one of the fairy tales that Big-Booby-chan always told her when she went to the living world with Feather-face and Baldy, as she so quaintly called them. Even with his headache, Kenpachi sat in rapt attention as she told the fairy tale of Snow White. Yachiru was so excited and animated as she told her story that it was impossible not to be just as engaged. When she was through, her sweet face looked up to him with a seriousness that should have been impossible for a true child of her size.

“Big Booby-chan said every beautiful woman was the fairest of them all to someone. She’s Pencil-neck’s fairest and Ichi said Snowflake girl was his fairest, which makes sense. She makes snow. I like it when she makes the ice rink for me in the summers. So, anyway, I asked Baldy who his fairest was and he got all red and wrinkly. He wouldn’t say, but I think Feather-face is his fairest. Can a boy be the fairest? I forgot to ask Big Booby-chan before we left. What do you think Ken-chan?” Her guileless little face peered up at him waiting for her answer.

He’d suspected Ikkaku and Yumichika had been in a relationship for years, but Yachiru’s suspicions confirmed it. “Don’t ever tell them I said so, but yes Yachiru a boy can be the fairest.” He’d hate to think what crap he’d have to put up with from Yumichika, if the man ever found out he’d agreed with Yachiru that he was pretty. And Ikkaku… He shuddered to think what Ikkaku’s bankai might do to his newly rebuilt office. He’d already had to listen to old Yamamoto bitch at him for the last “accident” to demolish the place.

She began bouncing again. “Good! ‘Cause Feather-face is so pretty. He’s prettier than most of the girls I know, so it’s good he can be Baldy’s fairest.” Yachiru flipped her legs over the side of his chair and began swinging them. Even though the movement jarred his aching head, he didn’t have the heart to tell her to stop. Her enthusiasm and happiness were too important to him. Besides, the pain in his head helped keep him sharp. He gave a barely there tender smile down at her as she continued her chatter.

“I ran into Sake-san on the way over here and when I asked him who his fairest was, he got all mushy and wordy and said something about Bookie-chan. Do you think a Prince can have more than one fairest of them all? I always thought Cough-san was Sake-san’s fairest.” Kenpachi had to actually think about that question for longer than a moment. Honestly, he’d never given much thought to other captains’ relationships, but he supposed as long as no one was getting hurt it didn’t much matter and that it was okay for Yachiru to know that.

“I think there’s probably lots of different types of fairest, Yachiru. If it makes a person happy without hurting another, I don’t suppose it makes much difference.”

“Good,” replied Yachiru with a satisfied smile. 

Knowing it was coming, still didn’t lessen the impact of her question. He never doubted she would find her way back to her original inquiry. He’d grown used to her flashes of insight, but at least in this case he was sure there wasn’t anything that Yachiru could ferret out.

As she snuggled into his side and yawned, she asked, “So Ken-chan who’s your fairest?”

His answer was easy and at the tip of his tongue as always. “The only love I have is for battle. So I guess my fairest of them all is my sword. I’ll always have it by my side to fight.”

“Nuh, uhn, Ken-chan, that doesn’t count. Your fairest has to be someone to marry someday, that’s what Big Boody-chan says. You can't marry your sword.” She yawned again as her eyes fell to half mast. “I think Braid-y lady is your fairest. You just don’t know it yet. You two always look at each other kinda funny whenever you’re stuck at the Fourth Division. It sort of reminds me of the weird looks Tattoo-kun and Sixty-Nine-kun give each other when they think no one is watching.”

He was floored. Kenpachi had never told anyone he had feelings for the quiet, lovely, and dangerous captain of the Fourth Division. He barely acknowledged the feelings himself and he was sure he’d never made any kind of face towards Captain Unohana other than the expected disgust at having to be around such second-rate shinigami as the healers in the Fourth. Their Captain on the other hand was anything but inferior. He’d seen her in action once during the war and she was a superior warrior when the situation called for it.

A small hand covered Yachiru’s next yawn. “You really should ask her to be your fairest of them all Ken-chan. She looks at you the same way. I know she’d say yes.”

Kenpachi picked up the tiny bundle and carried Yachiru to her quarters. “Maybe someday Yachiru, when I’m worthy and know the name of my sword.” He pulled her waraji and tabi from her feet and tucked her little body in bed.

“How big will I have to be, so I can be someone’s fairest of them all?” 

With a rare genuine smile Kenpachi replied, “Much bigger, Yachiru.” He thought of the oldest woman he knew. “Maybe when you’re as big as Captain Unohana.”

Mumbling quietly he heard her complain, “Aw, Ken-chan, that long? Do you think Byakushi will wait for me to get that big?” He was happy she’d fallen asleep before he had to think of an answer. 

A manic grin split his face as Kenpachi thought about the ass kicking he was going to love handing out tomorrow. Maybe he could beat an answer out of that stuck up noble bastard.

**Author's Note:**

> In case it's been a long time since you read Bleach here is a Yachiru translation guide. Most I took directly from the manga, but some I had to make up.  
> Big-Booby-chan = Orihime  
> Feather Face = Yumichika  
> Baldy = Ikkaku  
> Pencil Neck = Uryuu  
> Snowflake = Rukia  
> Sake-san = Kyoraku  
> Bookie-chan = Nanao  
> Cough-san = Ukitake  
> Tattoo-kun = Renji  
> Sixty-Nine-kun = Shuuhei  
> Braid-y Lady = Unohana
> 
>  
> 
> If you happened to read this and liked it, a kudos would be happily appreciated.
> 
> Comments are wonderful, but completely unnecessary.


End file.
